How magical it is to be wrong!

I used to think that being wrong was one of the worst things that could happen. If I were wrong (gasp shudder) I would be humiliated. And if people were to find out – well, they would know that I was a fraud and my worth as a human being would come into question.

Do you think I’m exaggerating? I’m not. Okay, maybe just a little bit.

But I lived in a universe of microdrama (remember that word?) in which every thing I did was a struggle not to be wrong – or if I were wrong, not to be found out.

And let me tell you, that is some compound shit – as in it piles up on top of itself and crushes youI

One of the best years of my life was a good while back – the year that I discovered it was okay to be wrong. I didn’t die. I wasn’t kicked out of the human race. My people loved me anyway. But even better, they LIKED me more when I learned to say things like “I’m wrong. I’m sorry. My bad and can I fix it?”

Even more important, I liked me better. I liked my life better. I wasn’t living under the pressure of a layer of compound shit.

And from there, things really took off…almost like flying.

Once I discovered that it was okay to be wrong, so many more things became possible.

I was able to try things I had been afraid to try (because, you know, what if I’m wrong?)

I stopped arguing. It just went away.

I was able to let go of tons of mistakes I’d made in the past.

It was okay if other people were wrong.

And gradually, it has even become okay if other people are wrong about me.

How magical it is to be wrong. It’s almost like flying.

And remember: in all things – progress, not perfection!

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p.s. Saying “my bad” and walking away is only okay on the basketball court. In real life, you need to know (or ask) if there’s follow-up required.

p.p.s. It’s 2019. Lots of people set lots of goals, and you know what’s going to happen in a couple of months, right? There’s a different way to approach goals – one based on starting from a peaceful foundation, which is a lot like getting a thought alignment. If you want to talk about it, email me (maggie@talktomaggie.com) or schedule a free mini session with me (here). A mini session is a short coaching session, where we can talk about the noise that’s holding you back and what you can do about it. We can set you up to succeed without struggling! You have time!

BS Files #7: Being Selfish is Baaad

The BS Files are kinda like the X-files – full of myths and urban legends and mysterious things. I feel that it is my duty to tackle them (occasionally). Because, you know, the truth is out there. It’s been a while since we’ve visited the case files, and it’s time, because I keep encountering this one.

Case #7. Being selfish is bad. Bullsh*t!

There are a few versions of this one. You can substitute any other word that sounds similar, such as self-indulgent, self-care, self-concern, self-love. I’d say we could throw in self-confident as well.

This myth begins to rear it’s very ugly head somewhere around middle school for most people, when we learn that being conceited or vain or ego-centric are among the worst things we could possibly be. In order to fit in, we learn to diminish ourselves. We build a whole belief system about how important it is to ignore our own wants and needs if we want to really be a good person. Here’s my big ass assumption – we all want to be a good person.

Many of our beliefs are formed in extremis as we grow up. By that, I mean that we teach ourselves what works by experimenting with extreme pendulum swings, until we find the balance that is true for ourselves. (Think about the things you said to provoke your parents when you came home from college for Thanksgiving!)

We try on extremes to find out what really suits us. And then we update our belief system to match. Oh wait, do we?

Some of us do, many of us don’t. Some of us learn that there is such a thing as healthy self-love, self-confidence and self-care, and it has absolutely nothing to do with egotism, vanity or narcissism.

Once we know that, like everything else in life, self-stuff is a balancing act that’s when we should update our beliefs accordingly. Remember, beliefs are just thoughts that we think a lot, and they shape how we see and experience the world.

But many of us never go back and question whether those beliefs that we developed as a young person are actually true for adults. We beat ourselves up with guilt if we show even the smallest signs of self-love or self consideration. I mean, I want to take care of myself, I just feel so guilty! Guilt is such a great flogger, isn’t it? (ooh, I have my next BS File topic!)

Truth: You are a person. You need love, care, respect and consideration, just like any other person. Sometimes you are the person who needs to do it.

Truth: Taking care of yourself does not make you a bad person. Not taking care of yourself does not make you a good person.

Truth: You’re an adult, and you know it’s all about balance.

Truth: Love is love is love. That includes self-love.

And remember: in all things – progress, not perfection!

Love and light,

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It’s 2019. Time for a change or two. Are you living a life full of microdrama, guilt (shudder) or confusion? That is all 100% optional. If you don’t believe me, let’s talk. Email me (maggie@talktomaggie.com) or schedule a free mini session with me (here). A mini session is a short coaching session, where we can talk about the noise that’s holding you back and what you can do about it. We can set you up to succeed without struggling! Believing anything else is BS!

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Have a topic for the BS files? Let me know and I’ll give it a go!

It’s the human touch

We have so much eLife, or iLife or digital life. A huge percentage of our content is delivered online, electronically. We converse via text and chats and emojis. We have Facebook friends. Some of them are real friends and family that are just at a distance, but let’s face it – there is such a thing as a Facebook friend that’s different from just a plain friend.

I bet you’re expecting me to go on a rant about how we should put the phone down, cut down on social media, stop texting during dinner yada yada and how the electronic era has caused us to isolate and how we don’t really connect any more. Then I’ll transition into some diatribe about the younger generation which is just a version of “GET OFF MY LAWN!”

Surprise. Nope.

I am actually fan of all that digital stuff. It doesn’t replace the face to face in person stuff, it augments.

As an introvert and an empath, I really love the fact that I can truly connect with more people without it being a huge energy drain.

And unless there’s some big electromagnetic apocalypse, it’s not going away anytime soon.

So maybe it’s how we think about it that matters.

I was inspired to write about this because I just started a real conversation with an artist and author on the Isle of Guernsey. I signed up for something on her website, noticed a typo and sent her an email because it was funny and I would want to know if it were me, and she responded with thanks and curiosity about what I do, and off we went. My world just got a little bit bigger and a little bit better.

For me, I try to always remember that there is a person on the other end. For me, that means I think about what I say and how they might hear it

There is a person at this end, too. Which means I get to decide who, what, when and where I connect. I still get to choose how big my world is.

Sometimes it’s a little easier to just hang up or delete a message from a scammer than it is to get rid of the person who is at your door trying to convert you. I don’t think that’s a bad thing…

I just want you to know that I think about you when I write these blogs – you are a real person. So am I! I love when I get an email or a comment back from you!

And remember: in all things – progress, not perfection!

Happy Valentine’s Day,

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It’s 2019. Lots of people are setting goals, and you know what’s going to happen in a couple of months, right? There’s a different way to approach goals – one based on starting from a peaceful foundation, which is a lot like getting a thought alignment. If you want to talk about it, email me (maggie@talktomaggie.com) or schedule a free mini session with me (here). A mini session is a short coaching session, where we can talk about the noise that’s holding you back and what you can do about it. We can set you up to succeed without struggling! You have time!

Do I have enough time?

Are you in a hurry? Why? Do you think that you don’t have enough time, or that you’re already behind? Is it almost too late? Is it too late? FOMO? Catching up? Do you think most things in life are a race that you’re losing?

Sometimes being in a hurry can feel like a good thing, especially when you are eager and anticipating. Sometimes it feels like that little kick of motivation that you need to get started or to keep going.

But mostly being in a hurry doesn’t feel like a good thing – an it isn’t. You rush, you skip over things, you multi-task. You aren’t present now because you’re too focused on when. There’s an uncomfortable sense of urgency like…well, you’re driving and you’re late but you really have to pee. And it’s really, really stressful. It feels like a constant sprint to the finish line – except the line keeps moving.

What if it isn’t a sprint at all? What if you’re just in it for the long game, and you don’t need to worry about the finish line?

It isn’t a race. You have plenty of time.

How do you feel when you think that thought? I have plenty of time. Isn’t that expansive? Luxurious? Abundant, even?

We hear the phrase time is money all the time. Usually, that prompts us to go into scarcity mode. So we seek immediate gratification and false pleasure because we believe that we’d better grab it while we can.

But what if time is the ocean in which we all live?

Take care of it, yes – lovingly. Swim in it? Float, dive, play in it? Fish in it? Travel in it? Yes to all that.

If we’re in it for the long haul, we can take the time we need to make the right decisions and do the right things for us. We can seek our own evolution and long term well-being.

If we have all the time we need, we don’t need to be so harsh on ourselves. One little mistake isn’t a crisis or mean that we are doomed to failure. We have time to try something different. We have time to learn.

And remember: in all things – progress, not perfection!

Love and light,

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*****

It’s 2019. Lots of people are setting goals, and you now what’s going to happen in a couple of months, right? There’s a different way to approach goals – one based on starting from a peaceful foundation, which is a lot like getting a thought alignment. If you want to talk about it, email me (maggie@talktomaggie.com) or schedule a free mini session with me (here). A mini session is a short coaching session, where we can talk about the noise that’s holding you back and what you can do about it. We can set you up to succeed without struggling! You have time!