So you made a mistake

You made a mistake and covered it up before it was discovered.

You snapped at your kid today and you feel guilty.

Your annual performance rating wasn’t want you wanted.

You didn’t do as well on a test as you know you could do.

The tech geek at Best Buy talked to you as if you were stupid.

Your kids aren’t perfect.

You found new wrinkles around your eyes.

Your house is a mess.

Your boss doesn’t like you.

You took a nap instead of working out.

You didn’t get that project done.

You burned the soufflé.

You ate two cookies at work.

You don’t feel like hearing her tell you about her problems today.

You are weigh x pounds more than you would like.

None of that has anything to do with your value as a human being.

All of that garbage has nothing to do with your worth as a person.

You are not broken. You do not need fixing. You are human. Perfectly imperfect.

And remember: in all things – progress, not perfection!

Love and light,

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If you’re interested in tackling a big goal for yourself, and you want to try a different approach, email me (maggie@talktomaggie.com) or schedule a free mini session with me (here). A mini session is a short coaching session, where we can talk about the noise that’s holding you back and what you can do about it. What do you have to lose? Literally!

Choose your perspective wisely, little one

We are all unique. Every single one of us. Just like everybody else.

I love that it’s one of those seeming contradictions, again! But that’s not where I’m going this week.

This week, I want to talk about how we need to check out our assumptions and perspective for ourselves. Because we are unique, everything doesn’t always work the same way for us as we might think.

Here’s a great example that came up in my coaching practice this week. I was working with someone who had a goal, and she just wasn’t making as much progress on it as she’d like. In fact, she was procrastinating.

So we looked at what she was thinking (because what we think determines what we feel which drives our actions and behavior). She was actually thinking “This is easy. I’ve got this. I could knock it out anytime!” and what she was feeling was confidence. Which led her to do – nothing.

Huh. That looks pretty, though, right? Wouldn’t you think confidence would help her to achieve her goal? The fact was, though, it didn’t work – for her, in this situation. What she actually needed was a thought and feeling that created some urgency. We decided that she needed to feel eager, which sure isn’t the same thing as confident, and she needed a different thought to think in order to feel eager. She had to choose a different perspective.

So all of this goes back to my favorite purple unicorn blog, which is all about how there is no one size fits all anything. There is no one emotion that motivates everyone the same way. There is no one thought that creates the same emotion for everyone. In fact, you’re probably not even that consistent. I know I’m not!

It’s worth checking, every single damn time, to see if what you’re feeling is actually causing you to show up the way you want to show up. And if it isn’t, you’re just gonna have to look at what you’re thinking – and change it.

You have to check your perspective, and see if it needs an adjustment.

That’s the real work. Oh yeah, and it doesn’t really have to be hard, just sayin’…

And remember: in all things – progress, not perfection!

Love and light,

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If you’re interested in tackling a big goal for yourself, and you want to try a different perspective, email me (maggie@talktomaggie.com) or schedule a free mini session with me (here). A mini session is a short coaching session, where we can talk about the noise that’s holding you back and what you can do about it. What do you have to lose? Literally!

Isn’t that a contradiction?

I have the kind of brain that loves to play with contradictions. I don’t really like black and white. Sometimes I take the opposite point of view just to see what it is like. Not to the Chidi extreme of paralysis, but I do see lots of shades of greys.  If your brain doesn’t work like that – if you like black and white – then this blog is for you. Think of it as flexibility training…

Here’s something I’ve been playing with a lot lately. “I can do hard stuff.” That thought makes me feel strong, and when I feel strong, I absolutely can tackle difficult things, and get the results I want. Good, yeah?

Then my inner tween starts whining “why does it have to be so hard?” Hmmm. If I’m stuck in the strong, I say “Shut up. Suck it up. I can do hard, so just do it.”

But what if… it doesn’t have to be so hard? What if there really is an easier way? That really got me thinking, and I actually felt a shift as a bunch of things aligned.

My life – like, everything in my life – got easier when I did the work I needed to do to begin to manage my brain, to shut down the noise and drama. I stopped struggling, and everything was so much easier. I began to operate from a totally different place, a place of peace.

Here are the Cliff notes of how I got there:

What if I’ve been wrong all this time? What if it’s not either/or? It’s either hard or it’s easy? If I’m not being strong, I must be weak – what if that’s just BS? What if it can be easy and hard at the same time?

I think I have it! Every day doesn’t have to be hard. We don’t have to start from a place of struggle and drama. That’s big, take it in. We don’t have to start there. But we might encounter obstacles along the way (might? OK, we will). That’s when we need strength – to overcome them so we can get back to the place of peace.

I’m thinking of my niece who is climbing Mt. Whitney right now. She set this challenge for herself months ago. She knew it was going to be a challenge, because she had never done it before. But she didn’t start off thinking it was going to be “so hard” that she made up a bunch of drama or she quit. No, she just figured out what kind of practice and gear and nutrition and conditioning she was going to need. Then she did it. She didn’t start off struggling and miserable she figured out how it didn’t have to be so hard Sometimes she needed to tell herself “I can do hard. I can do this.” But she didn’t start off struggling.

Okay, that makes perfect sense in this example, right?

But what if the challenge you choose is weight loss, or career change, or starting an academy? Writing a book? Reading the classics? Stop drinking? “Oh that’s different. That will be hard. I’ve never done it before. I have a million reasons why I won’t succeed, such as…” Queue the drama.

These are big things.

It may be hard AND it doesn’t have to be a struggle.

Does that blow your mind? It should. It changes everything. Queue the peace.

And remember: in all things – progress, not perfection!

Love and light,

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If you’re interested in tackling a big goal for yourself, and you want to try a different approach, email me (maggie@talktomaggie.com) or schedule a free mini session with me (here). A mini session is a short coaching session, where we can talk about the noise that’s holding you back and what you can do about it. What do you have to lose? Literally!

What does it even mean – does it serve me?

Sometimes we assume we are all talking about the same thing, when we really aren’t.

Look anything up in Urban Dictionary and you’ll see what I mean.

I use the question “does it serve me?” as a criteria for evaluating so many things: my thoughts, my beliefs, my decisions, my values – and I highly recommend it.

Sometimes I get pushback from my clients, because they think I mean it in a selfish way, and they just aren’t comfortable being selfish (which is a topic for another day!) They think that I am saying to be self-serving, which means having concern for one’s own welfare and interests before those of others. That’s not at all what I mean!

“Does it serve me?” = does this thought or belief or whatever thing help me to be my best self? To become more of who I want to be? To be more authentic, more aligned with my values and ethics? Does it help me accomplish what I want to accomplish? to feel the way I want and need to feel to be able to achieve my goals?

When the answer is “yes” then it is never self-serving, because being my best self means that I am bringing a better version of me to the world to love and serve and give.

And remember: in all things – progress, not perfection!

Love and light,

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If you’re interested in finding some peace for yourself, email me (maggie@talktomaggie.com) or schedule a free mini session with me (here). A mini session is a short coaching session, where we can talk about the noise that’s holding you back and what you can do about it. What do you have to lose? Literally!

What’s this peace thing you keep talking about?

Almost two years ago now, I had a major moment. Life changing.

It didn’t come with a trumpet fanfare nor an angelic chord.

It wasn’t in some glamorous place after a bunch of soul searching.

It was in a coffee shop in SoCal talking to my sister.

I was telling her about some changes I had made in my lifestyle. She said I seemed different, and she wanted to know all about it, because, you know, she loves me and was interested. It was the first time I’d talked about it out loud.

Sometimes I learn what I’m thinking by talking.

I told her that the best thing was that my mind was quiet. Just quiet. There wasn’t a lot of bickering and bantering going on. Should I or shouldn’t I. Endlessly debating a decision and feeling guilty in advance then berating myself.

I hadn’t even known that was my normal noise level until it stopped.

Peace is a quiet mind.

I reveled in the peace and quiet for a month or two. I began to trust that it was going to stick around. I began to trust myself more.

From that peaceful place, I started making more changes. Setting goals and achieving them. Setting bigger goals – like getting my Life Coaching certification, relaunching my coaching practice, and now becoming a Master Coach. Setting smaller goals and pretty much just knocking them out without drama.

The life changing moment was when I realized that the noise was completely optional. I didn’t have to struggle. I didn’t need my brain to motivate and nag me – in fact I was better off without it!

My noise just happened to be mostly around food. At another time in my life it would have been around something else. It’s kind of entertaining that all that noise around food got in the way of the rest of my life, isn’t it?

Now that I know how powerful peace can be, I talk about it a lot. It’s the foundation of my coaching practice. I am becoming the Peace Coach.

Peace is a great foundation for doing big things, for achieving your goals – whatever they are!

And remember: in all things – progress, not perfection!

Love and light,

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If you’re interested in finding some peace for yourself, email me (maggie@talktomaggie.com) or schedule a free mini session with me (here). A mini session is a short coaching session, where we can talk about the noise that’s holding you back and what you can do about it. What do you have to lose? Literally!