The Importance of Self-Care – again!

These Ted Talks share the scientific reasons for taking care of yourself.

It seems that in our society, we need to have a scientific reason as justification. Many of us are so prone to feel guilty for taking care of ourselves that we just don’t do it. As if we don’t deserve to take care of ourselves, or as if it’s selfish and deprives someone else of our attention.

Really, doesn’t it make more sense to think that if we are healthy, we are at our best? That means we have more to offer our family, friends, community, work and the world. Makes sense, right? And “healthy” means physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually healthy – the whole package.

Here’s a really convenient TED Talk playlist on self-care.

Please leave comments…and share!


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The Just One Thing Phenom

So today I have been really struck by a coincidence of “one”. Maybe it’s really a vortex of things having to do with “one”. Maybe it’s all really obvious stuff that I just now noticed. Well, it doesn’t really matter, but I’m going to share. Here are some things about “one” that I notice today.

I really have the capacity to do “just one thing” really well…at a time. In truth, I can do lots of things really well, just not at the same time. I used to think I was the most awesome multi-tasker. I could have multiple projects going at a time. I can cook a complicated meal and have every dish ready for the table at the same time. I could actually get my checkbook out and start writing the check before I know the total for the groceries. (Sidebar rant: Okay, I don’t use checks anymore, but I am often in the checkout line behind the person who not only still writes checks, but also doesn’t even get the checkbook out until the total is announced. Like, you know, the date and the store might change?!?) Anyway, sorry about the detour. I thought I could multitask. Nope. I really am a decent planner and sequencer. When I truly try to do more than one thing at a time, I am only doing one thing well, and that is fooling myself. None of the things are really done well. And I notice something interesting happens inside my brain. I get scattered and impatient and it feels a lot like stress. So that’s a great warning sign, right? Stress does not mean “wonderful” or “awesome”, so I need to pay attention to that feeling. Not everything needs to be done well, but when it does, giving it the attention it needs is the way to go. One thing at a time.

I can do one more. I recently started running. Yes, my coach says I can call it running, even if I am very slow, even if I am training in run/walk intervals. Somedays it’s hard. Today it was really hard. It sucked. After the first kilometer, I had no idea how I was going to finish. I didn’t want to quit, but I honestly could not see where I was going to get the energy to run the next four. So I said, I can do one more interval. And I kept doing that until I finished. I was prepared to stop if I couldn’t do one more interval, but facing them one at a time made it possible, while looking at the whole thing was overwhelming. “One more” is a lot more manageable than “the whole thing”.

One day at a time. OMG, that’s the best thing ever to have come out of any twelve step program. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention all the people who were able to reclaim their lives and flourish. Duh. But that’s how they did it. It kinda builds on the last concept. Sometimes what you have in front of you seems so overwhelming that you have no idea how to start, or you just want to quit. But if you focus on what you can do today…just what you can do today…and let tomorrow sort itself out when it gets here, you find that you can actually do it. This is really wonderful to remember in the middle of the night when all the worries come crashing in. “One day at a time.” What can I do right now, today, in the middle of the night? Probably none of the things I am worrying about, so I’ll play Scarlet O’Hara and worry about it tomorrow. Actually, I won’t worry about it, I’ll do what I can do when tomorrow is today. That doesn’t mean settle or procrastinate. The most amazing things are done one step at a time, one day at a time.

Everybody has one interesting thing to say to you. Some have more. You can even learn something from a complete idiot – even if what you learn is “Wow, I really don’t believe what that idiot said. I need to stay away from him.” Or maybe someone hands you a tiny piece of a puzzle that helps you make sense of something else. If you keep an open mind, always looking for that one thing they have for you, you’ll discover a web of interconnectedness and synchronicity. It’s really, really cool, and it feels like cheating, because things start to come so easily.

Today I am going to focus on one thing at a time, and it will be something that I can do today. I already used the “I can do one more” to finish my workout. I wrote one blog. And I will look for “the one thing” that I can learn from each person I encounter. Today is going to be one good day.

What’s your one thing? Share it in the comments below!


Schedule a free mini session with me (here) and I can help you find a bite of peace, or see if the Tapas for Your Soul Weight Loss program is for you.


Is there a topic you’d like me to address in a blog? Let me know and I’ll give it a go!

Choices and Options (revisited)

We all know the person who goes through life making as few choices as possible. They say “You pick, I can’t” when asked where they want to go for dinner. They don’t choose anything. Why? Who knows. They don’t! Maybe they don’t want the responsibility of making a choice that someone else doesn’t like. Maybe they don’t want to seem controlling. Maybe they want to keep their options open. Maybe they can’t commit. Maybe that even described you at some point. It definitely described my niece.

She was the one who couldn’t make a decision about anything. She blew about in the wind, letting everyone else decide things for her, because she was incapable of choosing anything, big or small. She couldn’t pick where to eat, what to do with her life, how to do her hair… she just floated day by day. Then one day she found herself pregnant – and potentially alone. She was lost and afraid. She had all kinds of decisions to make – and she just didn’t know how to make decisions. So she took the first step and made a powerful choice. Before she made any decisions, or evaluated her options, she made one choice. She chose to make all of her decisions from a place of love, not fear…and she completely stepped into her power. In a very short time, she blossomed into the person she came here to be. And in a few weeks, she chose to have the baby. She chose to work with the father on how they’ll be parents together. The story is still unfolding, and it started with one conscious choice.

We all know that a single choice can change the direction of our life. That’s easy to see looking in the rear view mirror. But how do we see it in real-time? We don’t see it; we feel it. We practice making choices until we are so good at it that making choices becomes part of who we are.

I worked with a leader who would talk about making “choiceful decisions”.   It drove me nuts. She meant to say that we should make careful, thoughtful and intentional decisions – choices! Unfortunately, she was misusing the word, because “choiceful” means pretty much the opposite. It means having lots of options from which to choose, or being fickle with your choices. Too bad, really. I like what she intended to say!

You don’t have to have options to make a choice. Wait, what? How can that be true? But it is! You might only have one thing that you can really do, one direction to go. But there is a huge difference between just doing it and fully choosing to do it.

Perhaps there is something difficult in your path. You can just slog through, let the momentum of the situation take over. Or you can make choices about how you’re going to get through to the other side. You can choose what your attitude will be, what your awareness will be, how you will present to the world. You can choose to be open to opportunities along the way.

Choice is commitment. When you choose to do something, you bring the full power of your choice and conviction and your best self to it….and that, my dear one, is your powerful self!

I’d love to hear your thoughts, insights and experiences. Please leave a comment below.


Schedule a free mini session with me (here) and I can help you find a bite of peace, or see if the Tapas for Your Soul Weight Loss program is for you.


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The BS Files: #1 Failure is Not an Option

The BS Files are kinda like the X-files – full of myths and urban legends and mysterious things. I feel that it is my duty to tackle them (occasionally). Because, you know, the truth is out there…

So here’s  Case #1. Failure is not an option.  Bullsh*t!

Failure is optional. EVERYTHING is optional!

Failure is merely a perspective. My teacher says that Failure = Learning. So there’s only winning and learning.

If you think failure is not an option, you aren’t going to start until you are 100% sure of success.

Guess what…if it’s new to you, you aren’t going to be 100% sure. So you won’t start.

If you don’t start, you fail by default. WHAT?!! I know, you think that if you dn’t take the reisk, you won’t fail. Nope. You just fail in advance…without even trying!

Failing is not final. You can learn and keep going. Failing is a great way to leapfrog the learning curve.

Failure: Case Closed.


Schedule a free mini session with me (here) and I can help you find a bite of peace, or see if the Tapas for Your Soul Weight Loss program is for you.


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Why does it hurt my feelings if I know it isn’t true?

Someone says something about you and to you and it hurts your feelings.  You don’t really think it’s true.  In fact, intellectually you know it isn’t true.  But it hurts.  You wish you could just brush it off but you can’t.  Why does it hurt?

What is it about you that makes you take it to heart?  Why can’t you be like those other folks you see who are able to just shrug and say, “wow, she sure has that wrong.”  It doesn’t sink in and attack their self-image.  Why doesn’t it hurt them?

You tell yourself, it’s because you care what she thinks about you….but if she’s wrong, why can’t you just tell her and let it go?

Or you say, she’s just being bitchy…that’s on her, not me….but why do you keep replaying it in your head?

You sit there trying to talk yourself out of being hurt.  You know it isn’t true and you have a whole bunch of evidence about how not true it is.  Doesn’t change how you feel.  That approach will never work.  Why? Because deep down you secretly believe she’s right.  Maybe just a little, but enough to cause some doubt.  Feeling hurt wins out over logic in this case.

So what can you do? Update your beliefs!  It is very, very likely that you have a very outdated belief system about yourself.  You probably haven’t updated them since you were a child.  When you were young, you took on a lot of responsibility for things that weren’t yours, and it shaped your beliefs.  That’s not wrong, and it’s not unusual. It’s just the product of your world view as a child.

Here’s an example.  You take piano lessons and you are practicing for a recital.  Your piano teacher has a gruff teaching style, correcting you more than praising you.  You feel a bit insecure, and develop a belief that you aren’t a very good piano player.  As a child, you have no idea that adults have different styles of teaching, and maybe this one isn’t suitable for a sensitive child.  It’s all about you, so you must at fault.

It might not matter that you went on to study piano in college and you are actually a very good accompanist.  You know that intellectually.  But unless you go back and update the belief, you will still feel like the insecure child, and are vulnerable to being hurt.

NOW HEAR THIS: Just because you believe it doesn’t make it true!

How do you update your beliefs?  First, if you are hurt even when you know something isn’t true, recognize that your beliefs and your intellect are not in sync.  Your beliefs need to be updated. Next, sit in the feeling of hurt for a little bit until the power fades.  It does, you know. When that happens, get curious, and that will help you detach from the hurt.  Say something like, “Huh. That’s interesting.  I wonder where that belief came from?” Allow yourself to explore it a bit, and trust your intuition to take you to the correct event in your past.  Once you’ve got the right event, release it.  Tell yourself that you had a different perspective then, and now you want to update that belief with a more accurate one.  You might have a few layers of beliefs, and that’s okay.  Work through each one with a detached sense of observation, release and update.

You will see that the comment that hurt you before doesn’t have the same sting, because you no longer have a “secret” belief that it is true.  You know it isn’t!


Schedule a free mini session with me (here) and I can help you find a bite of peace, or see if the Tapas for Your Soul Weight Loss program is for you.


Is there a topic you’d like me to address in a blog? Let me know and I’ll give it a go!

Is it too late? (This is a rerun!)

dream bimfyNo, this isn’t just a shameless kitten picture opportunity. There’s a story here, and it is related to the “Is It Too Late?” topic.

Twenty years ago, I fell in love with the picture of this kitten. You can tell, because I scanned the actual picture (it was on a card) and the edges are all yellow with age. I kept this card taped inside my headboard – not because of what was written inside, because of the kitten.

Yes, I am a cat person. And a dog person. And a horse person. Well you get the picture. But this kitten really, really spoke to me. “Someday, I’ll find you…” I had cats at the time and I’ve had cats since. Love them all. And yet, whenever I looked at this picture, I got all gooey inside.

One day, a couple of years ago, my friend Kathy said that she’d found some abandoned kittens. They were really young, and needed to be fed during the day. So she brought them into work. There was this tuxedo kitten. This exact one. I told her about my dream kitten and that I just knew he was destined to live at my house.

“Nope, sorry. He’s special and he’s mine.” She went on to tell me all about him, how he was really a flying squirrel, how cute and loving and special he was – which I already knew, of course.

“Well, when you change your mind, I’m ready. “ “Won’t happen. Sorry.”

Bimfee kittenFast forward two weeks or so. Kathy’s reigning cat, Ginger, could not stand the little guy. She was mean to him, but also so upset that she hid and didn’t eat. With great (and VERY dramatic) sorrow, Kathy told me that I would have to take him. I graciously and giddily got ready for her to bring him to my house.

So Bimfee is the most special cat in the world for me. (Shhh. Please don’t tell the others, I don’t want them to feel slighted). He’s the one (the cat one, anyway) I’ve really waited for all my life. He’s my familiar. I did not believe that there was such a thing, until Bimfee.

How that ties in to the question: Is it too late? I suppose that it would have seemed somewhat reasonable to think, somewhere in those twenty years, that this was really just a nice picture of a very cute kitten. Or that I could just get any ol’ tuxedo kitten next time I was kitten shopping. Or not. And just give up on my dream kitty. I mean, it wasn’t like I was cat deprived or anything.

But I didn’t. I hung on. And I was able to recognize my dream Bimfee the minute I saw him. And even when I was told “nope”, I hung on to the dream. And it came true, my dream.

So I read a whole lot into this story. It is never to late for your dreams to come true. You just need to hold on to them so that you can see and recognize them when they show up.

thumb_IMG_3311_1024Bimfee says:   3[0qaggvij@3*ojlhooijp. I thought that meant he wasn’t all that good at typing, but a friend recently pointed out that it is probably exactly what he meant to say. Hmmm.



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Listening to the Whispers in My Ear Buds

I had a truly remarkable experience today. I had a session with my coach. Yes, I have a coach. And I have a mentor. Because I believe in both.  And I need both. So back to my story before I go way off on a tangent.

I had a big breakthrough. It just might be profoundly earth shattering to me. I hope so. For the story, it doesn’t matter what it was, but let me just say that it has the potential to change the way I look at myself, and how I react when I see myself incorrectly. Yup, yup, yup. It’s up to me to do the work, I know… unless something magic comes along to make a shift. My work in this particular case is to move from passive resignation to anger. Yes, anger. Anger isn’t passive, and it doesn’t let me be resigned at all. I won’t live in anger forever, but it’s where I’m starting, because it makes me do something. Right now, it’s making me say “Bullshit!” when I find myself thinking something that isn’t true, and being angry about the programming that taught me to think untrue things. I really want to be open to seeing new truths, and believing them. I left the session feeling cautiously optimistic, which is pretty much my default state of being.

A few minutes later, I heard voices. What? Where? I found out that my ear buds were still in my phone, and something was coming through them. I put them on to see what it was, and (of course) it was music. It was in the middle of playing a Bruce Springsteen song, Thunder Road, and the lyrics right then were “Hey you, it’s me. And I want you only.” By the way, this line is pretty much a non sequitur in the song. But wow, it spoke to me, like a very personal message from Source, giving me a much needed word hug. I moved from cautiously optimistic to wildly convinced, in 20 minutes. That is way faster than I could move through by doing all the work myself, especially relying mostly on my brain and repetition to instill new thought patterns. That’s a shift. That’s my kind of magic.

Spooky thing: I didn’t put that song on my phone (probably came through family share).

OKAY! So when you are on the right track, you will get signs and signals that tell you that you are on the right track. That’s synchronicity. You just need to recognize the signs, believe the message and understand that they ARE meant for YOU. Open your eyes and ears. Listen for the whispers, or the music, or the butterflies, or whatever forms your very own signs come in.

In case you are worried about it, I’m too old and mature to be fueled by anger for a sustained period of time, so don’t worry. I know that I need something else to quickly move me along to a higher place. I think that thing I need is a shade of faith. I’m listening to the Dvorak’s New World Symphony as I write this, because it very accurately expresses the emotional ride.


Schedule a free mini session with me (here) and I can help you find a bite of peace, or see if the Tapas for Your Soul Weight Loss program is for you.


Is there a topic you’d like me to address in a blog? Let me know and I’ll give it a go!



I used to say that the key to originality is finding an obscure source. I think that was plagiarism.

Now, I can call it “like and share”, but I do try to credit my sources.

Today, I’d like to steal some stuff borrow some good things from a 12 step program…pretty much any 12 step program will do, but I know the most about AA, so that’s my source for today (definitely not Source, thought!)

But first a note from our sponsor (sorry, just couldn’t resist) on what not to take. You’re not broken. You don’t have to think of yourself as an addict.  You don’t have to think of the rest of your life as abstinence incarnate. You’re not surrounded by slippery slopes. You don’t need to keep telling your old story. Okay?

Here are seven of my favorite takeaways:

  1. Gratitude. There is nothing that will shift your attitude (give you an attitude adjustment) like a good dose of legit gratitude.
  2. Detox. Get those toxins out of your system. Yup, you might be a bit shaky during the process, but it does pass.
  3. Rehab. When you’re in rehab, you’re only supposed to focus on one thing – your recovery!
  4. Forgiveness. Take stock of your actions, and then forgive – yourself and others.
  5. Important words, like honesty. Promises. Freedom. Happiness. Peace. Serenity.
  6. Catchy phrases that help you shift your thinking fast, like keep coming back (be persistent), fake it til you make it (act as if you’re already there), and it works if you work it (which means you’ll see results if you do the work).
  7. And my all-time fave: We will intuitively know how to handle things that used to baffle us. Because intuition.

Have any more to contribute?


Schedule a free mini session with me (here) and I can help you find a bite of peace, or see if the Tapas for Your Soul Weight Loss program is for you.


Is there a topic you’d like me to address in a blog? Let me know and I’ll give it a go!